The Amity Kramer Birth & Parenting Show

Hello, this is Amity Kramer. Welcome to my podcast. Today we explore 10 open-ended questions to deepen relationships, plus local family activities (meet a cow at Shoreline Farmer's Market) and a ladies' dance night fundraiser. I also share reflections on vulnerability after reading "Share Your Stuff, I'll Go First" and the struggle with actually being seen. 
 
Here are some of the links from the show:
Meet A Cow This Sunday 7/25 10am to 2 pm @ Shoreline Farmers Market (I saw the cow thing listed on their Instagram page)
Early Bird Dance Party!!! @ the Crocodile 
 
Share Your Stuff, I'll Go First, by Laura Tremaine 
 
Support the Everett Free Pantry-- via Venmo @Classidi, follow them on Instagram @EverettFree or check out their Amazon wish list. 
 
 

Amity shares easy, free parenting tips from Positive Discipline—practical tools like the Mistaken Goal Chart, routines, redirection, and the reminder that a misbehaving child is often a discouraged child.
She also highlights Balanced Yoga’s studio tips for success.
The episode also features local family activities (Sky Zone, $2 movies), a Date Night Idea Dancing Till Dusk date-night idea, upcoming classes and workshops, and a personal update about Amity trying stand-up comedy.
 
Full Transcript 
 
The Amity Kramer Show
Hello, and welcome to the Amity Kramer Show. I'm Amity, and I'm going to talk to you today about some parenting tips that are free and easy. There's a great resource I want to share with you. I'm going to tell you about some cool advice and what you can do with kids, and another great date night idea. So let's jump into it and get started.
I was looking for a place to do hot yoga, and then I realized that I should probably wait till the fall because it's really hot outside. But I came across this place and it's down in Kent. It's called Balanced Yoga. And on their website, it says tips for success for working at their studio. And I was like, wait a second, these are really good life skills. And I wanted to share them with you and give a little shout out to Balanced Yoga down in Kent.
Tips for success:
Arrive early
Bring your water bottle
Don't judge yourself or others
Unplug — silence your phones and dedicate this time to yourself
Do your best and don't give up
Thank yourself for taking time to get balanced
Hope those are a little bit motivating this week. I want to tell you about the mistaken goal chart. So recently, I have been training to teach positive discipline classes. This is something I did in the spring, and I've been working over the material and look really forward to incorporating this body of work into the classes that I teach. And so I've been following positive discipline for a very long time.
And the core message is: a misbehaving child is a discouraged child. So just thinking about that for a moment, how often are you discouraged? And that's why you as adults, you know, misbehave or act badly. And so I think that that slogan can be used really for any of us. And I noticed this the other day, my daughter was saying something to me and she's like, "Mom, I know you can do it." And it just felt weird to have her encourage me. But I was like, oh my gosh, I feel more motivated because you were just positive instead of, you know, making fun of me or teasing me about it.
So here are some of the most effective principles or tools of positive discipline. These are things that you can use kind of day in and day out. It doesn't have to be when your child is misbehaving, but if you use these tools, it is going to be easier to have a positive relationship.
These are the positive discipline tools for young children, written by Cheryl Irwin, and this is directly from my Parenting the Positive Discipline Way handbook. There's a number of handouts for parents, and this is one of them:
Be firm and kind
Decide what you will do
Use distraction and redirection
Follow through
Use positive timeouts
Create routines
Check your perceptions
Take time for training
Ask "what" and "how" questions with an attitude of curiosity
Offer limited choices
Use 10 words or less — kids do not like lectures
Be an active listener
Invite cooperation
Create a game
Do things with your child
Ask for help from them
Take care of yourself
And the last one is my favorite: hugs, hugs, hugs
So a misbehaving child is a discouraged child — those are the core principles and tools. And in the classes and in the books, it goes more in depth for all of those action items.
The other tool I wanted to share with you is called the Mistaken Goal Chart. This is available online — you can download it from the Positive Discipline website. I have a link to it in the show notes. This chart is beneficial because it really helps give parents direction on what type of guidance kids need. And the neat thing about this is it uses how the adult feels in the situation — the emotions that the adult is having — to be a detective and find the mistaken belief that the child has.
This resource is two pages. The first page is about the children's behavior, and the second page is really about the adult behavior. Because what happens is: parents are stressed out. And when our kids are not doing things, or when they are doing things that drive us nuts, we tend to react in ways that sometimes reinforce those negative behaviors — like getting really demanding with the children ("do what I say because I'm the parent"), or overly helping the child do things because you're tired of them not doing it perfectly or you don't want to have to nag them. Other times you can kind of give up on the child and be frustrated, like, "oh my gosh, they're never going to get it," and stop trying to encourage them.
So these are the four mistaken goals that children have. This resource walks you through: if you feel a certain way, it means that your child is fitting into one of these four categories. And then it goes on to behaviors that you as an adult can do to bring that child back into an encouraged space.
The first one is undue attention. The child feels like they belong only when you pay constant attention to them and give them special service. Their core desire in this moment is to be noticed, and they want to be involved usefully.
The next one is misguided power. The child thinks, "I belong only when I'm the boss, or at least I don't let you be the boss." What the kid is asking for is they want to be able to help, and they want to have more choices.
Revenge is the next behavior. The kid says, "if I don't feel like I belong, I'm going to hurt — I hurt, and I'm going to take that hurt out on someone else." So the child is hurting, and they need to have that hurt be validated.
And then the last one is assumed inadequacy. "I give up, leave me alone" is kind of the behavior the child is promoting. What they really need to get them back into that encouraged space is for you as the parent not to give up on them, and to help show them one small step.
These are the four mistaken goals, and the chart is very helpful. I recommend that you take a look at it, study it, have it printed out or saved on your phone, because the next time that you feel frustrated or overwhelmed with your kiddo, you really do have this tool that can help you — A, be validated, and B, get to a space where you can accurately motivate your kids again.
Upcoming things at Thresholds: We have a Birthing From Within class happening this Saturday. There's another one in August. If you know any pregnant people, send them my way. And then there is a two-day Bringing Baby Home workshop — this is the workshop that's all about relationship support. That's happening August 29th and 30th. And then in the fall, I hope to be offering some emotion education / positive discipline classes. I'm looking forward to working up some new offerings there.
Some things you can do with your kids: I love giving recommendations for these ideas. I've changed my algorithm, so I get all of these pop-ups for cool events that happen, and I'm always on the lookout for these ideas. So if you have any ideas you want to share with me that I can put in the newsletter/podcast, let me know — I'm happy to add them in.
For kids, the two events I saw this week: one is jumping at a place called Sky Zone — have you been to one of the giant trampoline parks? It's not something you can do every day if you're just paying by the ticket. They have memberships and whatnot, but it's not an inexpensive activity. But it is very fun and kind of a special one-off activity. Right now, Sky Zone up in Mountlake Terrace is offering a buy one ticket, get the second ticket half off. So it's a pretty good deal if you want to go bounce around with your kiddo or have the kiddo bring a pal or sibling. Buy one, get one half off up until the end of July.
The other kid activity is happening now and throughout the summer at the Landmark Crest Theater. Three days a week — Saturday, Sunday, and Wednesday at 11 a.m. — they have a $2 movie series. Each week they show a different movie. It's $2 to go, it's air conditioned. There are some fun parks nearby, and right next to this theater is an independent bookstore called Ridgecrest Books, plus a coffee shop nearby. It's a pretty special theater just north of Seattle. Bonus points if you ride there — the Interurban Trail goes through Shoreline, and it's a fairly bike-friendly neighborhood if you want to take alternate transportation.
The date night activity is public dancing. It's a program sponsored by the city or county (I'm not sure which), called Dancing Till Dusk, and it goes from 6 to 9. There's dancing on Thursday nights, Tuesday nights, and maybe one on Saturday, in different parks around the city — an hour of dance lessons followed by two hours of dancing, with live music or DJs. It's a fun community event that's been happening for 19 years.
I did some digging, and one of the neat things about this program is that the dance instructors, Lillianne and Claire, have a YouTube channel with follow-up videos. So if you go to one of these programs, you can go to their website and watch the lesson again, or the recap, and continue elevating your dance moves at home.
I think dancing is one of the funnest things people can do together. Even if you're not good at dancing, it's music — it can be done pretty easily in front of kids, and kids can even be entertained by their parents dancing. You might pick up some new skills, too. I also love that dancing is a lifelong activity — you can dance in a wheelchair, you can dance in the car with your shoulders and head only. There's all sorts of dancing. So think about how you can use your bodies together to have fun, learn something new, and be social.
These events are free and happen many days in July: July 23rd and 30th at a park in South Seattle; July 14th, 21st, and 28th at a park called Freeway Park (also in South Seattle); South Park Plaza has dancing on July 16th; South Lake Union Park is August 13th and 27th; Volunteer Park is August 20th. All over the city — there's also one in Ballard Commons, so potentially check it out.
A personal update: Those of you who've been reading my newsletter for a while know that I've really wanted to do stand-up comedy. It's something I've been thinking about and jotting down ideas for. I was going to do it a couple months ago, and then things fell apart and I couldn't do it, and I totally lost my steam. So I wanted to let you all know that I accomplished that goal. A couple weeks ago, I went down to a comedy session in Olympia, and I stood up on stage for four minutes and told jokes. I think I will do it again — some people laughed, and it was fun. It was fun to get out there and take a risk.
I hope that you are finding lots of ways to be funny and enjoy the funny things in the world. I know that there is hard news all over the place, and it is not always easy to balance the joy of raising kids with the wild show that our country and politics are in right now, along with some of the violence that we're seeing. So I just encourage you all to lean on each other and remember that most people are trying to do their best, even if it doesn't seem good to us. We need each other. We need community. We need one another.
And yeah, I hope you find what you need this week. Thank you so much. Bye.

Hello, 
Thanks for checking out the podcast. I've over halfway through this experiment of 8 shows. 
Enjoy,
Amity
 
Family Community Service:
Help take care of a local food pantry. Check out this website to find a food pantry near you and help your neighbors out. 
 
Grown Up Things to Around Town:
Bangers Before Bed | 5pm | July 3 | Nectar Lounge (I forgot to mention this one on the podcast)
Moms on the Mic | July 9 | 6pm-9pm 
Thursdays @ Gallery Erato  | 12pm-6pm 
 
Getting Past Anger Is Easy Just Remember these 3 Truths
Most of the time people are doing the best that they can. 
Shame is not as helpful as you think it is. Being mean to someone is not a good way to make them see your point of view.
Dry wood burns. People change when they are good and ready to change. 
You can regain your boundaries when you decide what you WILL do and stick to it. The goal is to be firm AND kind. Setting a boundary is different than degrading someone. 
 
Lightly edited transcript:
 
Hello, hello. Welcome to the Birth and Parenting Show with me, Amity Kramer. This is episode number five. I am committed to making eight episodes, and then reevaluating, like, the way to make any good decision. It's really hard to just jump in and say, I'm gonna do a podcast forever. I'm gonna do anything forever. And so, we're gonna do eight episodes, and if it keeps on running, great. If not, I'm gonna see these eight episodes as a success.
 
So if you're listening to this, thank you very much. I appreciate it. If you've got any feedback, let me know.
 
Okay, gonna jump right in.
 
This week, we have five unexpected ways that partners can help with birth. Some, interesting ways that you can use a peri bottle right after you have a baby, and if you have one laying around the house, some ideas to recycle that. And some activities that you can do with your adult friends, or with yourself, with your spouse. Finally, I'm gonna ended up with a personal story about what I did when someone I care about is not making decisions that are good for them.
 
So let's get started.
 
Five unexpected ways that partners can help in birth.
 
These are unexpected, and they're easy.
 
get closer. That's all you have to do. Step closer to the birthing person.
Heavy hands is number two. This just means you don't have to rub all the time. Just putting your hand on someone's shoulder. Touching someone's foot with your hand. And if you just kind of gently touch them, sometimes that can be annoying, but if you put a little pressure on it, it can actually feel really soothing. So if you want to try this out, whether you're pregnant or not, this can be helpful. You know, you just walk by your partner, you stop for five seconds. Put your hand on their shoulder and see how they feel. It's like a hug, but more fun.
Eye contact. This is something that's really underestimated in, um... in birth, being able to hold a gaze with the pregnant person is really, really helpful.
This one is a little bit more challenging to do, but is still so useful and kind of unexpected, is to actually see and... acknowledge the pain. All too often in our society, in birth, at work, in our families, people quickly go to brush off pain and suffering. We do this to ourselves. We do this to people we care about. It's not that bad. Don't worry. It's not that big of a deal. It'll all be all right. These are all statements that are highly invalidating, because when someone is suffering or just in discomfort, most of the time, they know it won't last forever. They know it's not a huge deal. But a little validation can go a long way, especially in the birthroom. This is especially true, I think, around birth and parenting, because sometimes people are, um, let's see, the only, how do I say this? The person who really, truly knows the heart of the other person is the partner. Nurses, midwives, pediatricians, nannies, they do not know. The depth of that person. So their validation is not always the same.
The last one is to remember the why. Being able to call on the why and remember that this is about the baby, it's about creating family, and that is the reason you are enduring this situation. And I'll throw in a bonus one in here. I think it's important to remember when, you know, when we're parenting, during birth, that people actually have a choice. Now, someone might get very in dire circumstances where there actually is no choice, but a lot of the families that I'm working with, and if you're listening to this, you probably do actually have a choice in the matter. One of my best friends used to tell me all the time, he'd invite me someplace, and I'd be like, No, I can't go after work. They'd be like, You can quit your job. And I always thought that was ridiculous, but as I've gotten older, I've realized that we actually do choose. We choose this life, and we choose what we're doing, and so, um, there is usually options, and when you think about it from that perspective, it's like, Oh yeah, right. We are choosing to do this. And in the context of birth, one of the things that happens is sometimes people choose to do something that's hard, and maybe without pain medication, or, um, you know, they are choosing to do something more challenging in not having certain medical interventions. So, always remembering that you do have a choice and that you do have a say.
 
The next topic is the Perry bottle.
 
If you still have one of these around your house, or if you haven't given birth yet, you will receive a Perry bottle. Now, these are a thin plastic bottle with a little spray cap. And what these are for is to fill with water, and it serves two purposes. I call it the poor man's bidet. What it does is it can spray and clean off the perineum at a time when there might be stitches and swelling and toilet paper is just not gonna do the trick. The other thing that it is beneficial for is when someone urinates, it can, you can spray the peri bottle and mix it with the urine stream, and this will prevent stinging where there is stitches or tears in the perineum. So those are the two main reasons that people are using it. The bonus reason, some people fill it with a sits bath mixture. So, this is, like, an herbal bath, that you can sit in, or you can put it in the peri bottle and spray the perineum with an herbal substance that will be rejuvenating to the perineum. So those are the things that it's beneficial for right after the baby's born. And again, you get one of these in your home birth kit, or you get one at the hospital. Everybody's got one that they use for temporarily. And then, that means we have a lot of parry bottles at home. If you have a peri bottle at home, here are three ideas that you can reuse the prairie bottle. One, it makes a great bath toy. Kids love them. It can be used to water your plants, especially if you have any plants in, like, teeny, tiny, little pots, uh, that are hard to hard to water, and the water spills out. And it can be used as a dish soap dispenser. And be a little reminder of a time long ago when you gave birth and needed it for very different purposes.
 
It is still Pride Month.
 
This weekend, you can see if there is a Pride Month event near you. We also have, let's see, some family ideas.
 
Sometimes people want things they can do with their kids. And it is helpful in our culture for people to be in service to one another. I found this neat website that is a food pantry finder.
 
So you may think, Oh, what am I gonna do with food pantries? But this is something that you can actually do with your kiddos. You can, when you go to the grocery store, you can purchase food, and then stop and drop it off at the food pantry on your way home. So I'm going to put a link to the food pantry website. You can find a food pantry near you, and, um, you know, it doesn't have to, you don't have to fill the whole thing, but it's just something that you could do with your kiddos that says, Hey, we're helping our neighbors. We're helping other people. And so they can think about, um, think about that.
 
Some adult time ideas.
 
There is an event happening on July 9th, called Mothers on the Mic. And this is an open mic night from 6 to 9 o'clock where moms can share or listen. Everybody's welcome to be in the audience. And so you want to do some comedy, you want to read some poetry, a journal entry on their website. It suggests just text, message, exchanges. Sometimes looking back at those, there might be something funny. So, mom's on the mic, that's happening July 9th.
 
And the other thing that I saw that I thought was interesting is that there is a art gallery downtown in Pioneer Square that is open again on Thursday nights, and it is centering, adventure, and sexuality, and understanding, and enjoying the romantic expression. I don't know. I haven't been there yet, but, wow, what a cool thing to go and check out on your date night.
 
And finally, today, I have a personal story for you about what I did when, um, someone in my life was just not, not doing what, um, is good for them.
 
First of all, I am very good at judging what other people do or don't do. as we all are. And so when somebody, you see somebody that just kind of has hit and roadblock after roadblock, there comes a point when there can be some anger from the person who's the bystander. And this happened to me recently, and I just, I was real angry, and so first off, I validated my anger, and my frustration with the situation, and feeling, um, a lack of control. And anger usually comes from when your boundaries are being pushed, and you don't feel that there's control in a situation. And that's definitely how I felt in this moment. And so, I, my instinct, my, my desire, was to shout and yell and degrade, and, you know, go and have a talk with this person, and let them know that, you know, they're not doing what needs to be done, and here's all the reasons why they should do something different. And I acknowledged the desire in myself, and I acknowledged the feelings behind it. And ends up. I, you know, took some time for myself and remembered, really, what are my values around this type of situation, and what I know is even more true than my anger.
 
And that is that no one improves their life because of... personal shame. And so me going to tell someone who's not being productive enough or is not doing what they need to do, reminding them that, you know what, they're really not doing the right thing. That's not actually helpful. It's not actually helpful in the moment. not going to motivate them. And so shame is not the right response.
Um, the other thing that I realize is that... most people are doing the best that they can. And I know this one is hard for me to acknowledge, but I really do believe that if someone could do something better, they would probably be doing it. Right? No one wants to feel like a failure. No one is, like, excited about not accomplishing their goals. And so just being humble and remembering that sometimes not very good is actually the best that someone can do.
And the last piece of advice that I gave myself was something that I heard from Pam England, one of my most influential mentors, long ago. She told me, Amity, dry wood burns. And that was a real, um, a real key slogan that I have remembered time and time again, when being around folks who, you know, just don't seem to be doing the right thing, or the thing that's good for them, is remembering that everybody has their own process, and that, um, you know, remembering to just acknowledge that they are on their own timeline, and that may not match my timeline, but I don't really have control over what other people do, or think. And so, trying to step back, process my anger and frustration, and acknowledge and remember that people are doing the best, and that my support and encouragement and kindness is probably the most that I can do in any one of these situations.
 
Hope this is helpful for you all. Um, if you have any feedback for me about this podcast, I would love to hear.
 
Thank you.

Hello!!
Happy Juneteenth!! Happy World Cup!! Happy Pride Month!!
 
Give it up for Michelle Obama!! She gave another amazing speech this week. Save this link for any day you are feeling down and out. It will give you a boost of motivation in less than 20min. 
Watch Here 
I was drawn to the part about her speaking to every single person's innate goodness. 
AND 
“We want you to come here and put away your phones and talk and laugh and cry…and make new friends,” she said. “Get your hands dirty in my garden. Push your baby on a swing in the playground. Have a romantic picnic on the great lawn. Because that’s the work of democracy too. Being neighborly. Taking care of public spaces. Having some fun enjoying each other. Shaking out of the isolation and division that have crept too deeply into our lives.”
This made me think:
What would it look like for you to shake out the isolation and division in your personal relationships??
——
Water Safety from the Red Cross
 
___
Relationship Tip:
Judgement is not understanding. Read that again. Your judgement is not understanding.
I judged this author early on in the book. And then he spent the rest of the book explaining/telling additional stories to prove my judgment incorrect.
I’m so glad I didn’t write the author off and stop reading. Is this not what we do with people?! Mistake judgment for understanding…
Keep listening. Stay engaged. Keep an open mind.
Cook County ICU, by Cory Franklin, MD | 30 Years of Unforgettable Patients and Odd Cases
Very good book about hospitals and medical care in a fast changing world. 
_____
Sweet Deal Date Night @ Salt & Iron & The Edmonds Theater
https://www.theedmondstheater.net/
Showings $5 for Throwback Thursdays
$10.50 for regular adult ticket | $5 for kids
Show your movie ticket stub at Salt & Iron and you can get two drinks and some oysters for $38. 
_______
Not in the show bonus thoughts
I just saw an attractive guy with a shirt that said Chores included and I chuckled at that.
Once time I had a very good dream. I was in some sort of office and it was late at night. Michelle Obama came in and sat down, tired from a long day. I said hello, and asked if she wanted a foot rub. She said, "Yes, I would." And I rubbed her feet. 
Then I woke up. I enjoy giving foot rubs so much. To my clients and Michelle Obama. 
 
Thanks so much for taking time out of your day to read what I have to say. 
Much care and joy to you!!!!!
 
Hugs, 
 
Amity
P.S. Do you have a question for me? Send me a note and I'll try to work it into the show. amity@thresholds.info. 

**Amity Kramer (Not AI) made this podcast and this blurb. Expect it to be less than perfect!!**
Hello Everyone, 
In today's show we have:
The 4 warning signs your relationships are melting down (and how to prevent them)
Low tides are coming-- mark your calendar
Non-productive time as a family
SPICY Date Night (that's FREE)
Personal bit | How I feel about podcasting
Links
 
I forgot to mention it in the show, but I do have upcoming classes that can help prevent relationship meltdown. 
Bringing Baby Home. Aug 20 & 30 https://thresholds.info/bringing-baby-home/
Parenting From Within /Emotional Education (Online & Pay what you want!!!) https://thresholds.info/emotion-education/
Birthing From Within https://thresholds.info/childbirth-classes/

Hello, 
In this episode you will learn about:
the book Essential Labor, Mothering as Social Change by Angela Garbes (It's great and you should go and read it asap).
Some ideas about how to manage the stress of parenting in community
Where to get rest away from the mental load of parenthood.
A personal story about how I got super defensive and my process for getting unstuck and learning about myself in the process. 
This is about 25min long, listen at double speed to enhance your experience. 
 
Links to things mentioned in the show:
(I do not get paid for sharing this information)
 
Household Help to Get Support for the Harder Projects
My friend Barb @ I Mind Your Matter 
Rain City Maids | Priority Cleaning 
https://ppc.raincitymaids.com/
 
Finally Take A Break  at Family Camps:
 
Camp Seabeck
 
 
2026 Summer Camp Schedule | Register Today for Exciting Summer Camps — Ekone Ranch
 
 
About Camp Huston - a brief description of facilities and programs
 
—-
Private family retreat food included
 
Breitenbush Hot Springs
 
Sleeping Lady Resort | Mountain Resort in Leavenworth, WA
 
 
If you want to learn more about my work at Thresholds or take a class check out all of the offerings at www.thresholds.info.
 
Thanks for taking a listen!!
Amity
(AI was used to edit this recording and take out the empty spaces and filler words)
 
____
 

Sound Healing Presents | Tomorrow!
 
 
 
 
New park for the whole family
New off leash dog park in Shoreline. (There is a kid park there too!!)
Best Therapy Advice for Men and the rest of us...
Best therapy advice for men source: The best comments from Threads post by @kendriquecoats 4/27/26
Free 1st class | All ages fitness in Edmonds & Bothel
"You'll find coaching that meets you where you are and a community that genuinely cares."
Check it out!!
Book Equal Partners by Kate Mangino 
Great book. 
Full Transcript
Hello everyone and welcome to the Amity Kramer Show.
I am coming to you from my recording studio on Queen Anne (the "studio" is really a blanket fort). And I'm excited to talk to you a little bit about some things that might be helpful for new parents or people who are already parenting.
I wanted to tell you about a few things today. So I'm going to tell you about some advice that I found searching the comments on social media site. I'm going to tell you about some upcoming classes that I have going on, a date night idea, family fun idea, and another idea to help potentially equalize the mental load.
So I got a few things here that I'm going to tell you about. And if you have any questions for me, feel free to send them my way and I will blend them into my next show. Okay, let's get started.
Date night idea coming up on May 30th, there's two different events, but there is this, it's supposed to be really cool. It's a sound healing experience. You can buy tickets.
You either lay down or sit down and it, yeah, it's on Capitol Hill and it looked kind of interesting. Lots of music and sound, bath, bowls. And, yeah, could be a nice way to relax with yourself or somebody that you like, maybe a date night or maybe a friend.
So that is sound healing. And what I'm going to do is put a link to all of the things that I talk about in the notes. So feel free to look at that.
And then the other thing that is coming up is there is there is a brand new park and it's fun for the whole family, even those of you with dogs. So there's a new off leash dog park that I learned about and I want to tell you, it is up in shoreline, 167th. So you could take exit 175th and then go west or you could take exit 145th and go, I guess go west and then north on meridian.
So it's right off the freeway, New off-leash, Dog Park, and Kid Park. You can check that out. There is also, oh, yeah, I found this thing.
I've been reading a lot of comments lately. One of my kids, you know, they're a teenager and she's 18 now, so she's a grownup. And sometimes I don't get things online and she's like, Mom, you got to read the comments, like the good stuff is in the comments.
And so I've done this. I've started reading more comments lately. Because, you know, I always think about it as like, oh my gosh, I'm not going to read the comments.
People are always snarky or mean, or that's where the argument happens. I just like never look at comments. But she's been telling me that that's where all the comedy is.
And so I've been reading the comments and sometimes I do just laugh out loud, laughing. But these comments I was reading were not funny, but they were helpful. And I thought it might be helpful for you.
So this person posted and also, I'll send a, I'll put a link in the show notes. But this person posted a question that was, what's the, for men? He was like, hey, hey, men, what's the best advice you've ever received in a therapy session?
And I thought this was a great question. And so I started reading the show reading the comments. And there was a couple of really good nuggets, and I was like, this is public information online.
I want to share it to you all because I know that a lot of people that read my newsletter are not also online. So here are some things that might be useful for you to hear today. I also, you know, I wanted to say that I'm, you know, I'm not a therapist, but I do a lot of coaching with families.
And I, these things resonated with me personally, but they also resonated with, you know, I feel like I say something similar to my clients when they're maybe going through a tough spot. So, here they go. Advice that people have received in therapy sessions that was specific for these men, but can be useful for all of us.
Advice number one, you're not going to be able to share your feelings honestly if you don't understand them honestly. Woo. This one really packs a punch, right?
How many times have you, you know, maybe been arguing about something, but not really understood how you felt? And so it's always that good recommendation to sit down and figure it out, figure out what you're thinking, what you're feeling before you engage in that conversation. If you just go right to talking about the issue, sometimes it's a missed opportunity for that self-reflection that needs to happen often in private, but sometimes you might want to talk to a therapist or a good friend to kind of help figure out what you're feeling before you take it to the person who really needs to hear it.
So next, I thought this one was good. It says, I am allowed to receive support healing and care without needing to earn it first. You are allowed to receive support healing and care without needing to earn it first.
We all as human beings deserve support, healing and care. We shouldn't have to be good to receive these things. We should all just treat one another with human decency.
And that means, you know, if you're having a hard time, you get support. And I say this and, you know, it's important to erect boundaries and not give of yourself so much that you don't have any, don't have anything left energy-wise for your own self. But when relationships are conditional, often people get that feeling that they need to, you know, keep working, they can never rest.
They need to keep going, keep doing these things for other people or for the household or whatever. Some people will do this for their employment. I need to keep working and that's how I'm good, but nope, we all deserve this.
We do not need to earn it. We all deserve support, healing and care no matter what. So this next bit of advice that someone received was from a therapist and the therapist said something to the effect of, I have couples who choose not to argue.
They face adversity, but take it as a challenge rather than something to fight over. You can choose to be happy and you can choose to be happy with your partner. Wow.
Imagine that. Something happens and maybe it makes you a little upset, but you're like, you know what? This is the person that I'm with.
This is the person I chose. This is the person who chose me. And I'm going to, I'm going to keep going.
I'm going to keep doing the good thing. And, you know, being able to choose happy. Now, again, I'm not saying no advice is going to work 100% of the time.
I do not do not expect people to choose happy if they're an abusive that's not like reciprocal. I don't expect you to choose happy if you're in a situation where, you know, there's abuse or gaslighting, that sort of thing. But sometimes for those little things, just like making that decision, each person making the decision to be like, yep, things are not perfect, but we're going to choose to be happy.
And that goodness that can be created from laughing or acknowledging what people are doing right is so, it's just so helpful, right? It's easy to get bogged down by things that happen that are negative and totally miss seeing all the amazing things that happen in our lives or that other people are doing for us. And so, you know, having that choice to not argue, but instead look towards, you know, happiness, joyfulness.
And I would also want to add in their understanding. Next one. You didn't deserve what happened to you as a child.
Next one. You are clinging to a childlike rigidity in the face of reality. This one is important because it is you know, sometimes we get these ideas in our mind about what we need to do or who we need to be, how things should be.
And sometimes those are outdated expectations, but if we don't slow down, it'd be like, oh, wait, what is now? What's happening now? What is right for me in this moment?
Really that facing reality. So that's something to evaluate for yourself. Like, hmm, are you, you clinging to something that really is, is, you know, is not possible, still trying to fit this dream-like scenario into your life that's not going to work Last one.
The thing that you are frustrated and angry about is not the source of that frustration and anger boom yikes this one's a big one. The book the book title I always tell people is the past is present. It's important to be able to sit back and be like, oh, wait, is this something to really be mad about?
Does that make emotion make sense? Or even like thinking about, you know, am I am I really mad about this or am I upset about something else? And so digging down to that deeper layer, looking for the emotions and providing yourself with empathy is one of the best things.
Stain angry is way too easy. Right. It's way too easy.
But it also zaps your energy, zaps the energy out of households, and anger has a purpose, but so often in our society, anger is a mask for something else that's really, really deeper down. And so hope these are helpful for you all, you know, when it comes to emotions and relationships, that is, you know, a lot of you have taken those classes that we offer thresholds, bringing baby home is the one really for relationships and emotional education or parenting from within is the other workshop. And so there is a bringing baby home workshop in August that is to have some seats in it and the parenting from within slash emotion education class, that one starts in September. and that one has a new setup.
That one is just going to be a $10 class to sign up. And then it's pay what you want. So share that with friends.
Sign up if you'd like to come. We also have some birth classes coming up birthing from within. That is happening June 6th or June 27th.
So two classes this month for birthing from within for all the people who are expecting babies. Next, I want to tell you about this fitness class that one of my clients told me about. It is called All Seasons Fitness, and it's happening up North in Edmonds, the first class is free, and the reason I wanted to tell you about this is because all ages are welcome.
This is for babies. It's for toddlers. It's for old people.
Anybody in between can come and everybody gets together. Ingenerational exercise. They give a, it's kind of a mix of like cardio and strength training.
It's indoor and outdoor. So they've got two different venues that they use. You can check it out all Seasons Fitness up north.
I think they have classes in Bothel and in Edmunds, but happens on Saturdays and a few other times during the week just was like so exciting. I wish there was something like that when I was parenting parenting young people get outside, get some exercise in, and be with other people. The last thing I want to tell you about today is something that can help balance the mental load.
So I recently read this book called Equal Partners by Kate Menino. And this book talked all about the mental load and the emotional labor. It was one of my, I think I've read like 10 books on this topic recently.
And this was one of my favorite ones. So it's called Equal Partners. And I want to share just a nugget.
There was many wisdom nuggets in this book, but this was one nugget that I thought was really great and that you might like to have. She said that in her family, she does what's called noticing time. And noticing time is when they set a timer and everyone plays or engages, and they just go around the rooms, finding things that need to be done and doing them right then and there.
And so this is an opportunity for everybody in the family with equal levels of engagement to, you know, stand in the kitchen and be like, oh, look, there's smudges all over the refrigerator door handles or, oh, wow, look. it's really gunky under under the toe, under the cabinets, right? Or someone might see some cobwebs looking up, but just those things that it's easy to, easy to ignore. And I don't even know if it's really ignoring, you know, our brains get used to, our brains and eyeballs, get accustomed to seeing things.
And so we really, it is hard to notice those things. A long time ago, I used to know this person who cleaned houses for a living, and they started out in the hotel business. And it was really neat because he would take that energy.
You know, no one wants anything goopy in their hotel room, and he would take that energy into house clean. He was like, yep, you always just got to look at it for that final touch. And so, noticing time is really giving your house that kind of final touch, noticing what needs to be done and taking care of it.
So hope you can do that. It reminded me thinking about that. It reminded me of all of the work I used to do. when my kids were on co-op.
Our teacher was teacher Tom. Tom, Tom Hobson, he's a very famous preschool teacher in Seattle and had a really cool school for a number of years. And during cleanup time, Teacher Tom would help everybody clean up.
And it was really important that we didn't shame the children for not helping. And so what would happen? Instead of telling people what they should do or complain that they weren't helping, Teacher Tom would, you would do this thing where he would sing a song.
And so he maybe he played it on there, he would maybe play it on the speaker. I can't remember. But we would, everybody would clean up and then he would just narrate what he was doing.
I'm putting away the blocks, and then he would narrate what someone else was doing. Johnny is helping me put away the blocks. And then he would keep going and then it was like, oh, you know, BB is helping me put away the blocks or so and so is picking up the sand toys.
And just narrated in a jolly voice what people were doing. Oh, so-and-so is sitting on the ground. And then that's what happened.
The reasoning behind this, and he was like, everybody wants to belong. Kids want to be part of the group. And so that they don't.
It's not helpful to nudge them or shame them into being part of the group. And so they got to feel their way through it. And so eventually, you know, all the kids would help pick up.
And I used to think it was magic, but it's not magic. It just is treating kids in a non-judgmental way, right? And again, this is kind of going back to like, you know, human decency and compassion and just like, yeah, like shame is usually not helpful.
And so in noticing time, your kids are probably going to participate more if you ignore what they're not doing and comment in a neutral or slightly positive way in the way that they are helping. And they' they'll get the hint eventually. Okay, that is all I have for you this week.
I'm going to try to make one of these every week. I really appreciate you listening. If you have any questions, send in my way.
Thanks a lot.
Amity